Hello, everyone.
It's me, Josh. You might know me by the name Polar, or Haunt, or some other name I made up in the past. I'm writing this as a rant because I'm not feeling well and need to get my thoughts down.
I just got rejected a few hours ago by someone I liked, and it's hit me hard. I haven't had a relationship in two years since Ava. I feel lonely and disconnected.
If you're reading this, you were probably a friend of mine. I'm taking a break this Summer of 2026 to focus on the gym, counseling, and improving myself—mentally and physically. This isn't ghosting; it's deliberate distance so I can remove distractions and vulnerabilities while I work on my BPD, ADHD, and OCD.
I've been thinking a lot about control and staying safe. Knowledge and skill feel like my protections.
I want to be transparent: I have a felony on my record related to arson/cybercrime. I made choices under pressure when people threatened my family. I've witnessed terrible things, and that shaped some of my past actions.
I keep distance to protect others from the fallout of my life. My parents are divorced and I've had incidents involving police and swatting. I'm sorry if this pushes people away—I'm trying to do what's safest for everyone.
With love,
- Josh